Episode 5

Behind The Podcast

Published on: 2nd July, 2020

Creating a weekly podcast is a lot of work!  Why would anyone put so much effort into a project like this if it wasn’t important?  The answer is simple; they wouldn’t.  This week we pull back the curtain to give you a ‘behind the scenes’ look at the who, the when, and the why behind Hope Thru Grief.  One of those that help pull it all together each week is Randy Magray of Duck Duck Productions. In this episode, he dons the ‘host hat’ to find out more about the ‘why’ from our hosts and what the future holds for the show.

Do you have a question or comment for Steve or Marshall? We do our best to answer as many questions and comments on social media as we can but to be sure you receive a response please send an email to hopethrugrief@gmail.com.   

Find us on the internet to continue the conversation and please share our show with anyone you know that is struggling with loss and grief. 

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Website: http://hopethrugrief.com.

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Tune in for new episodes every Thursday morning on our website or wherever you listen to podcasts! 

Marshall Adler and Steve Smelski, co-hosts of Hope Thru Grief are not medical, or mental health professionals, therefore we cannot and will not give any medical, or mental health advice. If you, or anyone you know needs medical or mental health treatment, please contact a medical or mental health professional immediately. 

Thank you

Marshall Adler

Steve Smelski

Transcript
Steve Smelski:

Welcome everybody to today's episode of hope through grief.

Steve Smelski:

I've got my cohost and good friend Marshall Adler here with me today.

Steve Smelski:

Marshall.

Marshall Adler:

Hello everybody.

Steve Smelski:

We wanted to do something different with this

Steve Smelski:

episode that we haven't shared with you or gone into detail about.

Steve Smelski:

We've told her stories, we've started through some grief.

Steve Smelski:

Today, we wanted to give you some background on the podcast and a little bit

Steve Smelski:

of our history, how this all came about.

Steve Smelski:

And I think it'll give you a better understanding of what we're trying

Steve Smelski:

to do on the different episodes.

Steve Smelski:

Before I do that.

Steve Smelski:

I'd like to introduce the audio technician who has pulled

Steve Smelski:

all of our podcasts together.

Steve Smelski:

His name is Randy Magray he's with Duck, Duck Productions, and he's the

Steve Smelski:

genius behind making it sound like Marshall and I are in the same room

Steve Smelski:

when we do our recordings, Randy.

Randy Magray:

Welcome everyone.

Randy Magray:

Glad to be here.

Randy Magray:

Thanks for having me on guys.

Randy Magray:

And just a quick word there in the same room, but what you don't know and what you

Randy Magray:

haven't I heard is that the only time that we have met as Stanley Pomianowski myself,

Randy Magray:

Randy Magray from Duck Duck Productions.

Randy Magray:

And we've done other work with Steve through the years through the Jordan

Randy Magray:

Smelski Foundation and I like to think of Steve and Shelley as my friends, I've

Randy Magray:

only met Marshall over a video call.

Randy Magray:

I've never met him in person yet.

Randy Magray:

And Steve and Stanley, and I met one time for about two and a half

Randy Magray:

or three hours at our office.

Randy Magray:

And the idea about maybe we should be doing a podcast.

Randy Magray:

Let's see where this goes.

Randy Magray:

Well, here we are a couple of months later, and in the meantime, everyone

Randy Magray:

knows the COVID hit and we're like, yeah, let's do, we can do this, you know, USB

Randy Magray:

microphones, technology, little garage band action, and we can make this happen.

Randy Magray:

So just so you know, Steve and Marshall have learned how

Randy Magray:

to do all this on the fly.

Randy Magray:

And I think you'll agree that the results have been really fantastic to be able to

Randy Magray:

not only get over all the hurdles that we faced with technology, but to pull

Randy Magray:

together not being in the same room.

Randy Magray:

It's hard to have a dialogue when you're not actually sitting in front of

Randy Magray:

somebody like you would around a dinner table or across the living room couch.

Randy Magray:

So kudos to Marshall and Steve for being able to pull this all together and make

Randy Magray:

something that's really meaningful and really impactful so great job guys.

Steve Smelski:

Thank you, Randy.

Steve Smelski:

And by the way, he's just saying that because he's the genius that

Steve Smelski:

makes us sound good on every show.

Steve Smelski:

So he's trying to give us a little credit, but it's really

Steve Smelski:

his wizardry behind the scenes.

Marshall Adler:

This is way above my way above my pay grade.

Marshall Adler:

From a technological standpoint, without Randy, I would be absolutely

Marshall Adler:

sunk because he's helped me understand the technology, which is not easy

Marshall Adler:

to do for a 64 year old lawyer.

Marshall Adler:

I'll say that.

Randy Magray:

Well, we all have our strengths.

Randy Magray:

And so we're all here just trying to play to our strengths.

Steve Smelski:

Thank you guys.

Steve Smelski:

You help pull this off.

Steve Smelski:

So the format that we wanted to use today for this episode was to have Randy

Steve Smelski:

go through and ask us a few questions.

Steve Smelski:

So we can give you some answers and maybe talk through some of the why

Steve Smelski:

behind the show thoughts for what we're going to do in the feature, and

Steve Smelski:

just give you a better understanding of what we're trying to pull together.

Steve Smelski:

So that I'll turn it back to Randy.

Randy Magray:

Awesome.

Randy Magray:

All right.

Randy Magray:

Well, I'm not even sure.

Randy Magray:

I know the answer to this question.

Randy Magray:

We'll start off with something super easy in the film world.

Randy Magray:

We always, we do interviews and we tell people we're going to give you the easy

Randy Magray:

one first, say and spell your name for us.

Randy Magray:

So we get it right when it goes on the lower third on the camera.

Randy Magray:

But this is probably just as easy.

Randy Magray:

How did you guys both meet initially?

Randy Magray:

Cause I don't, I think I've ever heard the story.

Randy Magray:

I think I might know the answer, but I haven't heard the story.

Randy Magray:

So why don't you share that with us?

Marshall Adler:

Steve, you want me to share?

Marshall Adler:

I can let me just say Randy, Steve and Shelly were a huge help to us because

Marshall Adler:

Matt passed away in July 22nd, 2018.

Marshall Adler:

And after his funeral and after everybody left, Debbie and I knew

Marshall Adler:

we couldn't do this on our own.

Marshall Adler:

So Debbie went on the internet and she said there has to be some

Marshall Adler:

type of support group for grief.

Marshall Adler:

And of course we never dealt with that before because we never needed

Marshall Adler:

to deal with grief and she saw grief share and she goes, I have no idea what

Marshall Adler:

this is, but it starting in two weeks.

Marshall Adler:

And I said send whoever's running grief share an email and sign us up one or

Marshall Adler:

two things are gonna happen either we're going to go and we won't think it's

Marshall Adler:

helpful and we'll shake hands with these people, saying thanks for helping us,

Marshall Adler:

but it's not for us or we'll find it very helpful and it could help us a lot.

Marshall Adler:

And I will tell you from the day we first went and met Steve and Shelly,

Marshall Adler:

they could not have been nicer, more caring, more concerned, more compassion.

Marshall Adler:

I've said this before in prior episodes.

Marshall Adler:

The thing that really stuck with me is that Steve went up and he started

Marshall Adler:

out by saying, how many of the people here have taken courses in grief.

Marshall Adler:

In a course, everybody was looking around and nobody raised their hands.

Marshall Adler:

Like who in the world would want to take a course on grief if you didn't have to?

Randy Magray:

RIght and then

Marshall Adler:

Riley, and I go, why would you do that?

Marshall Adler:

And we were all there because we needed a course on grief because

Marshall Adler:

we were in the middle of it.

Marshall Adler:

And I go, you know, this Steve guy, I don't know him,

Marshall Adler:

but he's pretty darn smart.

Marshall Adler:

No, seriously.

Marshall Adler:

I was very impressed by that.

Marshall Adler:

And that is how we met and it's you know, Matt loved movies and

Marshall Adler:

I always quote different movies.

Marshall Adler:

I think I don't want to mess this up.

Marshall Adler:

It wasn't in Casablanca with, uh, the last line with Humphrey Bogart at the

Marshall Adler:

beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Marshall Adler:

That's sort of what it was.

Marshall Adler:

You know, if you see the last line of Casablanca, I think that was it.

Marshall Adler:

But Steve and I have become very good friends.Shelly and debbie

Marshall Adler:

have become very good friends.

Marshall Adler:

And they've been a role model for us to see how you survive and thrive grief

Marshall Adler:

in general, but also be I'll be blunt here also the loss of a child or an even

Marshall Adler:

more specific loss of a son, because we all, we all have that in common.

Marshall Adler:

So that's really how I met Steve and how he's really been such a

Marshall Adler:

guiding light to me, to Debbie on our journey through grief.

Randy Magray:

That's awesome.

Randy Magray:

So Steve, tell me when Marshall walked in the room and you know, probably

Randy Magray:

along with a bunch of other people, did anything stand out or did you put,

Randy Magray:

did you pick him out as the new guy?

Randy Magray:

I'm not sure how this process works, but you know, sometimes you just can see

Randy Magray:

someone in you, you in probably, I guess, because they're there, you would know, or

Randy Magray:

you would assume that they need some help, but what is it that drew you to Marshall?

Steve Smelski:

That night I think we had about 25 to 30 people and Marshall

Steve Smelski:

was the tallest one in the room.

Steve Smelski:

So when he came in, introduced himself, I noticed his voice right off.

Steve Smelski:

It was like the, his voice drew me in.

Steve Smelski:

So I do remember him before we even started talking.

Randy Magray:

That's great.

Randy Magray:

That's great.

Randy Magray:

So you're you guys meet at this grief share and I love it because like you

Randy Magray:

said, Marshall, I can imagine your surprise sitting there with this guy

Randy Magray:

saying, you know, who would take a course on grief and you're thinking, well,

Randy Magray:

that's crazy who would want to, and then you, the realization setting in that.

Randy Magray:

Oh yeah,that's what I'm here for.

Randy Magray:

He got me on that one.

Randy Magray:

This guy is pretty sharp.

Randy Magray:

How did this all get to that experience and you're growing friendship.

Randy Magray:

And then one day we're having coffee.

Randy Magray:

We're grilling out where out to eat.

Randy Magray:

We're what are we doing when we say you know, I think we should do.

Randy Magray:

I think we should do a podcast.

Steve Smelski:

I'll start this one.

Steve Smelski:

I'm going to let Marshall finish.

Steve Smelski:

We actually did a podcast before, so.

Steve Smelski:

I must have been after the second or third

Randy Magray:

Oh yeah, that's right.

Steve Smelski:

Time through grief, Marshall called me and he said, Hey,

Steve Smelski:

I'd like to have you on my podcast.

Steve Smelski:

I was like, you what?

Steve Smelski:

And he's like, yeah.

Steve Smelski:

So he invited me in and I'll let him tell the story from there.

Marshall Adler:

What happened is I knew I had to do something to continue the

Marshall Adler:

good work that Matt did when he was here.

Marshall Adler:

And again, I am a Fred Flinstone level of technologically advanced technique

Marshall Adler:

when it comes to modern technology.

Marshall Adler:

But in spite of that, I said, I want to learn how to do a podcast,

Marshall Adler:

specifically dealing with how Matt passed away, which was suicide.

Marshall Adler:

We were very open about that.

Marshall Adler:

And I knew that the first podcast that I did was me just talking about

Marshall Adler:

map, but I knew the first guest that I was going to have on the podcast.

Marshall Adler:

It was going to be Steve because the podcast specifically dealt with the issue

Marshall Adler:

of Matt's passing, but it's obviously a subset of the larger grief journey.

Marshall Adler:

And I did 13 different episodes.

Marshall Adler:

And I'll tell you that Steve did such a great job as a guest, as my first

Marshall Adler:

guest second episode, that I had many people say boy that Steve guy

Marshall Adler:

was a very sharp, very well spoken, very credible guests that gave us a

Marshall Adler:

lot of interesting and helpful points.

Marshall Adler:

And when I finished the 13 week podcast, it was time for me to take

Marshall Adler:

a break because it was a little bit emotionally draining because I had many

Marshall Adler:

wonderful guests that all had lost, loved ones to suicide, and they were

Marshall Adler:

wonderful to open up on a podcast that they knew was going around the world.

Marshall Adler:

We had people from Brazil, Ireland, Germany, England, China,

Marshall Adler:

Laos, Cambodia listening to this.

Marshall Adler:

And these people knew that this was going to be worldwide statements they're

Marshall Adler:

making about their lost, loved ones.

Marshall Adler:

So I decided to take a break from that podcast.

Marshall Adler:

And during that time, Steve and I went to lunch and actually it was

Marshall Adler:

his idea to do a podcast together.

Marshall Adler:

So I want to throw it back to Steve because actual the actual

Marshall Adler:

idea for this podcast was Steve's.

Marshall Adler:

So Steve, you can tell about our lunch.

Marshall Adler:

I think that'd be the next part of the story.

Steve Smelski:

I think I I've listened to several of Marshall's podcasts.

Steve Smelski:

I went back and listened to mine like three times, which for me is very hard

Steve Smelski:

to do because I don't like listening to my voice after it's recorded.

Steve Smelski:

I....

Randy Magray:

That's for sure, most of us do

Steve Smelski:

would much rather stand up, not record that way.

Steve Smelski:

I don't have to hear what mistakes I made and just talk to

Steve Smelski:

people and work our way through.

Steve Smelski:

But this was different.

Steve Smelski:

I did go back and listen to it.

Steve Smelski:

I'd liked his shows.

Steve Smelski:

He and I stayed in touch while he was doing his, uh,

Steve Smelski:

different weeks in each one.

Steve Smelski:

he tell me who he was trying to get or who he had canceled.

Steve Smelski:

And he had to rebook, which is actually kind of nerve wracking,

Steve Smelski:

trying to make a schedule.

Steve Smelski:

And I thought about it all the way through December through Christmas holidays.

Steve Smelski:

And I said, you know what?

Steve Smelski:

I talked to Shelley and I said, I want to ask Marshall to go to lunch and see

Steve Smelski:

if he would consider doing a podcast.

Steve Smelski:

And so we met, I met him in his office, we talked for a little bit, we walked

Steve Smelski:

over and had lunch and I threw the question out and said, what do you think?

Steve Smelski:

I'm not sure what he thought right out of the gate, but my idea was it's hard

Steve Smelski:

to talk about what Jordan died from.

Steve Smelski:

Cause there's not as large of an audience.

Steve Smelski:

And I think eventually run into the same thing when you're looking at suicide.

Steve Smelski:

And I thought, what if we did it and focused on grief in general, and

Steve Smelski:

there's a lot of different directions and topics that we could get into.

Randy Magray:

So one quick question, inquiring minds want to know

Randy Magray:

where'd you guys go for lunch?

Marshall Adler:

It was a Japanese restaurant.

Marshall Adler:

If I remember in winter park, am I correct?

Marshall Adler:

Steve?

Marshall Adler:

I think that's where it was.

Marshall Adler:

We walked there was close to my office and we walked there.

Randy Magray:

Was it good?

Steve Smelski:

I'm just trying to think of the name of it.

Steve Smelski:

We had sushi that day for lunch

Randy Magray:

Oh there you go.

Randy Magray:

You guys went all out.

Randy Magray:

I like it.

Randy Magray:

What I really want to know then okay.

Randy Magray:

We decided we're going to do the podcast.

Randy Magray:

We're working through that process.

Randy Magray:

So we decided we're going to do one.

Randy Magray:

But I mean, most people don't want to talk about grief, at least not to people.

Randy Magray:

Well, shoot, a lot of times they don't want to talk about

Randy Magray:

it with their family members.

Randy Magray:

In Marshall, like you talked about people all over the world are

Randy Magray:

going to have access to this show.

Randy Magray:

We already have listeners in the few short episodes that we have already

Randy Magray:

from different places in the world.

Randy Magray:

I mean, why do you want to talk about grief?

Randy Magray:

And I want you to answer this from the perspective of, I lost my son.

Randy Magray:

If you've already been through a couple episodes, you've heard those

Randy Magray:

stories in those tragic stories.

Randy Magray:

But what about you now makes you want to talk about grief because for many

Randy Magray:

people, they're just saying, forget this.

Randy Magray:

I don't want to talk about it.

Randy Magray:

I'm already living it.

Randy Magray:

So why would I talk about it?

Randy Magray:

And I think it's important for people to know what's behind your

Randy Magray:

desire or both of your desires to, to want to talk about this?

Marshall Adler:

I guess I can go first.

Marshall Adler:

And to me it sort of goes back and I did talk about this previously.You

Marshall Adler:

know, Matt passed away July 22nd, 2018.

Marshall Adler:

Two days later, July 24th, 2018 while we were at the funeral home

Marshall Adler:

picking out Matt's headstone.

Marshall Adler:

I got the call that my mother passed away.

Marshall Adler:

So I lost my mother and my son within 48 hours.

Marshall Adler:

And it's grief to the second power we had to go to Matt's grave site, which was next

Marshall Adler:

to my father died in September 29th, 2012.

Marshall Adler:

So he was obviously had his grave site.

Marshall Adler:

My mother's grave site was going to be next to him and we got Matt's

Marshall Adler:

grave site very close to them.

Marshall Adler:

And Debbie and I, you can't believe that you're looking at

Marshall Adler:

your son's final resting place.

Marshall Adler:

And I, I was very blunt about this and I said, we got three options here.

Marshall Adler:

Number one, and I wasn't being funny, I said, some people will say, I'm good.

Marshall Adler:

I'm going to join my son and that happens.

Marshall Adler:

And I never wanted to do that, but I know that has happened to

Marshall Adler:

other people throughout history.

Marshall Adler:

And I said, I vote no on that one.

Marshall Adler:

The second option was to live, but I said being the walking dead.

Marshall Adler:

It's not what I wanted to do.

Marshall Adler:

By that,I mean, people are unable to lead a productive, meaningful life due to the

Marshall Adler:

grief that just freezes them forever.

Marshall Adler:

I didn't want to do that.

Marshall Adler:

The third option was to lead the best productive most meaningful life we could.

Marshall Adler:

To honor Matt, because he'd want us to do that.

Marshall Adler:

But the absolute key to that was helping other people deal with their grief

Marshall Adler:

because we knew we had to deal with grief head-on and we felt that not only helping

Marshall Adler:

us deal with grief by helping others.

Marshall Adler:

We would also hopefully actually help others.

Marshall Adler:

And I obviously that's for the listening artist audience to decide whether

Marshall Adler:

we're successful at it, but it won't be for lack of effort on our part.

Marshall Adler:

So it's a double edged sword.

Marshall Adler:

I want to help myself through my own grief process by making Matt proud,

Marshall Adler:

but the end goal is helping others.

Marshall Adler:

Through their grief process and again, that is to be determined

Marshall Adler:

whether we're successful or not.

Marshall Adler:

And hopefully, people that maybe I'll never, I'll never meet.

Marshall Adler:

Maybe people I'll never hear of will have gotten something out

Marshall Adler:

of this podcast that helps them.

Marshall Adler:

You know, there's an old Jewish saying that for a person to

Marshall Adler:

save one other person, it's like they say the whole world.

Marshall Adler:

Itt's almost, it's not the quantity.

Marshall Adler:

It's the quality.

Marshall Adler:

If you can say one life in the Jewish religion, it's comparable

Marshall Adler:

to saving the whole world.

Marshall Adler:

So if I can save one person's journey through grief with this

Marshall Adler:

podcast, I'll be a happy camper.

Randy Magray:

I like that, Steve?

Steve Smelski:

When Shelley and I lost Jordan, I remember how dark everything

Steve Smelski:

was how that awful feeling, just crept up from the pit of your stomach.

Steve Smelski:

And it felt like it was going to swallow you whole.

Steve Smelski:

You couldn't find your car keys.

Steve Smelski:

You didn't want to go out of the house.

Steve Smelski:

You didn't want to do anything and you would have been to okay.

Steve Smelski:

If it was your time and God said, I'm calling you home as well.

Steve Smelski:

But when that doesn't happen, it's like, what do you do?

Steve Smelski:

Cause that's as bad as it gets, you can't figure out how to

Steve Smelski:

even get back to where you were.

Steve Smelski:

I couldn't do anything.

Steve Smelski:

We were ....sigh, it was horrible.

Steve Smelski:

We cried all the time or we didn't want to eat, or we didn't want to sleep or

Steve Smelski:

you couldn't slee or you woke up in the middle of the night, you woke up early

Steve Smelski:

and then it's like, what do I do now?

Steve Smelski:

It was, it was horrible.

Steve Smelski:

And we were blessed to have a few people lead us through a grief class

Steve Smelski:

that grief share like, well, Marshall mentioned Shelley and I leading,

Steve Smelski:

well, we had leaders when we went the first time and it felt better and we

Steve Smelski:

went back again and it felt better.

Steve Smelski:

And we wanted to go back again.

Steve Smelski:

And after the third time, We were going to sign up for a fourth time and they

Steve Smelski:

said, no, if you're going to sign up again, you're going to have to help.

Steve Smelski:

And we're like, we can't help anybody.

Steve Smelski:

And they're like, we think he can.

Steve Smelski:

And so that's how it started.

Steve Smelski:

We had people that we mirrored them.

Steve Smelski:

We went into the different groups with them.

Steve Smelski:

They taught us, we listened we started to heal and I can't describe.

Steve Smelski:

So we, we weren't leading.

Steve Smelski:

We were just first time facilitators.

Steve Smelski:

And when we finished that first group, when we saw those people walk out

Steve Smelski:

and we remember what they look like when they came in that first week.

Steve Smelski:

How horrible they looked, how awful they felt, some of them cried all the

Steve Smelski:

way through that first session and then how they walked out of there.

Steve Smelski:

That was helpful.

Steve Smelski:

It helped us because we weren't, it wasn't because of us, but we were

Steve Smelski:

there and we'd like seeing that.

Steve Smelski:

And then we did that three or four times more.

Steve Smelski:

And we realize you do get help in your grief by helping others,

Steve Smelski:

because you remember what it was like to be like that.

Randy Magray:

Yeah.

Steve Smelski:

And you can remember when they say something it's

Steve Smelski:

like, Oh, I remember that day.

Steve Smelski:

And I could never see the point that we have gotten to at that moment.

Steve Smelski:

And you realize you can walk with them and try and help them along as well.

Steve Smelski:

Well, it's been helpful to us and we feel better every time a session finishes up.

Steve Smelski:

We need a little break to recharge our batteries, but we

Steve Smelski:

want to go back and do it again.

Randy Magray:

So what would you tell somebody that's listening

Randy Magray:

that is going, you know, I don't know if I can listen about grief.

Randy Magray:

I don't know.

Randy Magray:

Maybe they're feeling like you felt like there's no way

Randy Magray:

we could help anybody ,right?

Randy Magray:

But maybe that's the whole point of the podcast is that I think from what

Randy Magray:

you just said, you have a belief that people are stronger than they think.

Randy Magray:

You may not see it, you may not feel it.

Randy Magray:

It might be the last thing you want to think about that maybe I'm strong

Randy Magray:

enough to do this because, Hey, we've all had that feeling before.

Randy Magray:

We're, wouldn't it just be easier to just give up and say the heck with this and

Randy Magray:

just not meet this head-on just ignore it.

Randy Magray:

And we know what happens then it's, you know, it's your, your vice of choice,

Randy Magray:

whether it's pills or booze or other things, or just deep, dark depression.

Randy Magray:

But you're saying that you have hope that others find that same confidence in

Randy Magray:

themselves that you see in them, right?

Steve Smelski:

Correct.

Steve Smelski:

I would say everybody has the option to self medicate.

Steve Smelski:

We were absolutely against that.

Steve Smelski:

We wanted to experience the grief and I think we did two each to a

Steve Smelski:

personal level and yet, it felt better not to have assistance or help.

Steve Smelski:

But to actually hear their experience, share it with them, share some of ours.

Steve Smelski:

And at that point you don't think you can do it alone.

Steve Smelski:

So remember those people are no longer here.

Steve Smelski:

As soon as their loved one died, that's a different version of them.

Steve Smelski:

And we're all trying to figure out what that is.

Steve Smelski:

And none of us think we're strong enough to get through it.

Steve Smelski:

And it is a step by step a day by day, some days it's a breath by breath moment.

Steve Smelski:

Because you just have to remember to breathe.

Steve Smelski:

It is that is that difficult.

Randy Magray:

Yeah.

Steve Smelski:

But with a little bit of helping coaching, it's, it's amazing

Steve Smelski:

where people can go and then what they walk out and say, you know what?

Steve Smelski:

I can help somebody too.

Steve Smelski:

I never knew what to say before, but I think maybe I could help.

Randy Magray:

That's a tough one, because we all struggle with whether

Randy Magray:

it's grief or, you know, the racial tensions that we have in our country

Randy Magray:

right now, or as a special needs father, people will look at me and they'll look

Randy Magray:

at my daughter and they don't know what to say, and it's uncomfortable and we

Randy Magray:

don't want to have that conversation and it's on you though, right?

Randy Magray:

Because you're the person that's supposed to be stronger.

Randy Magray:

You've been through the grief and she's 10 years old now and people

Randy Magray:

will still come up and ask you the most horrifically ignorant questions

Randy Magray:

that you could possibly imagine.

Randy Magray:

And the first part of you, at least as a dad, I'm not going to speak for

Randy Magray:

my wife because she's not in, she's not a violent person, but you know, I

Randy Magray:

just want to punch him in the throat and go, where have you been living?

Randy Magray:

Right?

Randy Magray:

This isn't an appropriate question to ask, but in grief and all these things

Randy Magray:

that we feel that way to get through to the other side, where you can just say,

Randy Magray:

if I don't make a change, In myself that I can help somebody else understand this.

Randy Magray:

Then this just perpetuates, right?

Randy Magray:

When none of us get better, none of us grow.

Randy Magray:

None of us do anything positive with this.

Randy Magray:

And what's the point in that?

Randy Magray:

So, I can't imagine Steve and Marshall to get to that point.

Randy Magray:

With losing, you know, if I lost one of my girls, I can't even imagine

Randy Magray:

working through what you guys have worked through to get to where you are.

Randy Magray:

And that's, I mean, that gives me hope that there are people like you that

Randy Magray:

have made it through this process.

Randy Magray:

You've realized what it takes and now you're wanting to give back.

Randy Magray:

I think that's, I think that's amazing.

Randy Magray:

Marshall, did you have something with like you were....

Randy Magray:

You know, it's interesting cause Debbie said something about a

Randy Magray:

year or so after Matt passed away.

Randy Magray:

And she said that she realized that grief was going to be a permanent resident in

Randy Magray:

our house who was never going to leave and that she decided to make friends with it.

Randy Magray:

By that you can try to avoid it as you mentioned, by doing self destructive

Randy Magray:

things, or you can realize, you know, people ask when it's grief?

Randy Magray:

And, for me, the answer is never it'll end when I take my last breath,

Randy Magray:

but I'll grieve Matt for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I

Randy Magray:

can't live a productive, meaningful, significant life, helping other people.

Marshall Adler:

And I think that's the key decision that we had to make that we just

Marshall Adler:

knew we had to deal with grief head-on and try to deal with it as best as we

Marshall Adler:

could, knowing the reality, the reality of the situation that it was going to

Marshall Adler:

be in our house, the rest of our lives.

Marshall Adler:

And again, everybody's grief journey is different

Randy Magray:

Sure.

Marshall Adler:

And I can't tell people what their journey should look like

Marshall Adler:

just the same way nobody could tell me what mine was going to look like.

Marshall Adler:

And mine is different than Debbie's and men and women see things different.

Marshall Adler:

So....

Randy Magray:

Sure.

Marshall Adler:

I think what I want the podcast to hopefully help people

Marshall Adler:

realize they have to find their own journey that's right for them.

Marshall Adler:

You know, it's the old joke.

Marshall Adler:

make your own story because everybody else has already

Marshall Adler:

taken,everybody else has a story.

Marshall Adler:

Don't emmulate somebody else make your own story.

Marshall Adler:

And I think

Randy Magray:

I tell my daughter every day.

Marshall Adler:

Right, it's true with grief, it's your grief story and make

Marshall Adler:

the most of the time you have here as a tribute to your lost loved one.

Marshall Adler:

I think that's what they'd want.

Randy Magray:

That's great because I think what you're, what you're talking

Randy Magray:

about is getting to the point where you realize that it's really going

Randy Magray:

to be defined as to how you're going to approach it, how you're going to

Randy Magray:

look at it, how you're going to engage with it, because I think you're right.

Randy Magray:

That is never going to leave.

Randy Magray:

It's never going to be gone.

Randy Magray:

So if I don't find some way positive to do this, and to keep myself in

Randy Magray:

line to keep myself, my spirits up and to have a productive life in.

Randy Magray:

I just think it's great that the outpouring of that realization has

Randy Magray:

become grief share that you guys are working with and helping people with.

Randy Magray:

And now another outpouring of this, of your friendship is this podcast and I

Randy Magray:

think it can be a way that if you're listening today and you know someone,

Randy Magray:

if you're going through grief and you know, someone that's going through

Randy Magray:

grief, this is a great place where people can just tune into the conversation.

Randy Magray:

They don't have to take that first step into the room to grief share.

Randy Magray:

Not everyone might be strong enough to make, I'm going to pull that door knob.

Randy Magray:

I'm going to open up and I'm going to expose myself to everybody, but

Randy Magray:

maybe this is a good starting point.

Randy Magray:

Let these ideas and let someone who's been there before you.

Randy Magray:

And who's gone through all that darkness and then is now using it to help you.

Randy Magray:

This is a good place to, as a kind of a step in the right direction.

Randy Magray:

And so I hope that, you know, for someone that's listening now, Definitely

Randy Magray:

share this with someone that needs it desperately, because this is a lifeline

Randy Magray:

that is not so much in your face.

Randy Magray:

It can just be an easy, Hey, I found this great podcast and

Randy Magray:

I was really blessed by it.

Randy Magray:

And I think you might be too.

Randy Magray:

It can be totally not a, you know, it can totally be a little sly if it has to

Randy Magray:

be, but they'll thank you for it later.

Randy Magray:

I am sure of that.

Randy Magray:

So when you guys started the podcast, you know, you always start something with it.

Randy Magray:

Like, who am I going to help?

Randy Magray:

Or what am I going to talk about?

Randy Magray:

Who's going to listen and why are they going to listen?

Randy Magray:

So we've got a couple episodes and, you know, we have, we have analytics, we

Randy Magray:

have different things that we can see behind the scenes as to who's listening.

Randy Magray:

When they're listening, how they're listening.

Randy Magray:

Are you a computer listener or do you listen on your mobile device or are you.

Randy Magray:

I know we have people that listen on their watch.

Randy Magray:

I'm sure that might be Steve while he's out running and

Randy Magray:

the oppressive Florida heat.

Randy Magray:

So we're getting your numbers counted there, Steve.

Randy Magray:

So keep, keep that going.

Randy Magray:

But who did you have in mind as your target audience, people that you really

Randy Magray:

felt you wanted to reach out to, to make an impact, to change a life,

Randy Magray:

to provide support, or just provide a resource for someone who again,

Randy Magray:

could share it with somebody else?

Randy Magray:

Who are those people that you were, that you were looking at when

Randy Magray:

you were thinking about the body?

Marshall Adler:

I'll say this ,when Steve and I first talked at the

Marshall Adler:

restaurant, nobody knew what coronavirus was .Nobody knew what COVID-19 was.

Marshall Adler:

Nobody ever heard of the word pandemic versus epidemic.

Marshall Adler:

People heard of epidemics,they never heard of pandemics.

Marshall Adler:

So when we were talking, initially, the one thing I know

Marshall Adler:

about our audience is that.

Marshall Adler:

A lot of the people that would be listening to us in the

Marshall Adler:

future would have no idea.

Marshall Adler:

At the time we were talking about the podcast, they had lunch that

Marshall Adler:

they would be our audience because they have not had their loss.

Marshall Adler:

And you live on this planet long enough one of two things are gonna happen.

Marshall Adler:

Either you're going to die and people will grieve you or you're

Marshall Adler:

going to live and people you love are going to die and you're going to

Marshall Adler:

grief them guaranteed...guaranteed.

Marshall Adler:

We're all here a short time and the idea is to make it the

Marshall Adler:

best time to help other people.

Marshall Adler:

So from my standpoint, the target audience was people that don't even know that the

Marshall Adler:

target audience, because they haven't had the loss they would then make them the

Marshall Adler:

target audience in the sense that they don't need to deal with grief who in the

Marshall Adler:

world would want to listen to a podcast about grief, unless you lost somebody.

Marshall Adler:

It's just not going to happen, but look at the world.

Marshall Adler:

The one certainty that I learned after Matt's passing is the world's uncertain.

Marshall Adler:

I'm certain that the world is uncertain because I lost my son.

Marshall Adler:

So when we talked about our target audience, we had no idea we'd be here five

Marshall Adler:

months later with a worldwide pandemic taking lives, where people are socially

Marshall Adler:

isolated and cannot grieve with loved ones as has been done by the human spirit.

Marshall Adler:

For thousands of years.

Marshall Adler:

So we didn't plan this out, but if ever the world needs a podcast

Marshall Adler:

about grief, unfortunately it would be in today's society.

Randy Magray:

Absolutely.

Randy Magray:

Absolutely.

Randy Magray:

I just had a friend whose mom passed away and he said it was

Randy Magray:

the most heartbreaking thing ever.

Randy Magray:

She was in hospice for a long time.

Randy Magray:

So it wasn't unexpected kind of like, I think like your mom's story, Marshall,

Randy Magray:

like you, you knew it was coming.

Randy Magray:

You just didn't know it was coming so soon after Matt's passing, but they had had a

Randy Magray:

chance to prepare and they had a chance before COVID hit to visit her and see her.

Randy Magray:

And he said, but had I known that the last time I went to the facility to see her.

Randy Magray:

He said, I gave her a hug and I told her I loved her and that I'd see her again soon.

Randy Magray:

And I'd come back to Florida and then go back up.

Randy Magray:

She lived in Indiana and we're making another trip up to

Randy Magray:

see her in a couple of weeks.

Randy Magray:

The next couple of weeks, when that opportunity came up, well, guess what?

Randy Magray:

Now you can't go see her and her husband of nearly 60 years or it was 65.

Randy Magray:

I'm not sure, but law life long, they got married young.

Randy Magray:

He watched her pass away on FaceTime.

Randy Magray:

If that's not a, the biggest kick to your emotions in your gut and your

Randy Magray:

as a man or a womanI don't think it matters, but to your ego, like that's

Randy Magray:

men, we're supposed to be protective.

Randy Magray:

We're supposed to take care of our wives.

Randy Magray:

And then, and he said, it's the most heartbreaking thing

Randy Magray:

I've ever seen in my life.

Randy Magray:

He said, I cried like a baby and yet, you know, and he's like, and

Randy Magray:

I can't even imagine what my dad dealt with going through that.

Randy Magray:

So Marshall, I think you're, I think you're spot on there.

Randy Magray:

I think that through this, there's so many, it's not just the pandemic.

Randy Magray:

It's all the ramifications of that you mentioned that are driving this distance

Randy Magray:

between even family at a time when the only thing you want to do is be there

Randy Magray:

to, to care for and comfort and just let them know you're there a touch,

Randy Magray:

a touch means so much and that's out of the question in many cases now,.

Randy Magray:

What do you think, Steve?

Steve Smelski:

I think my initial thought was maybe this would be a way to meet the

Steve Smelski:

needs of some men who cause leading the grief class, we do two of them every year.

Steve Smelski:

They're 16 weeks long.

Steve Smelski:

There's always more women than men and I was a tough guy.

Steve Smelski:

I wouldn't have gone until I lost my son and realized I couldn't do it without.

Steve Smelski:

So my thought was to try and reach some of the men who may not want to come in.

Steve Smelski:

But I also realized that there's a lot of people who don't like public speaking.

Steve Smelski:

They don't like to speak on a microphone.

Steve Smelski:

They don't like to share their personal thoughts and stories.

Steve Smelski:

And when you lose your loved one, you can't even say their name.

Steve Smelski:

So while we could serve the people that did come in.

Steve Smelski:

I also knew there are a lot of people that didn't come in

Steve Smelski:

it I'd like to try and reach.

Steve Smelski:

And my thought was, how do we, how do we reach it?

Steve Smelski:

But if you look at the results of over the weekend, we actually had 82 to 85% women

Steve Smelski:

on Facebook that checked into our posts.

Steve Smelski:

So where I was thinking it was the men that I wanted to help .The

Steve Smelski:

feedback from the women was awesome.

Steve Smelski:

So maybe there really is a larger audience who.

Steve Smelski:

First of all isolation is not normal.

Steve Smelski:

That's the first thing we tell everybody that comes in don't isolate.

Steve Smelski:

And yet you don't have a choice ,we have to.

Steve Smelski:

So I think there's a lot of men and women who would like to participate.

Steve Smelski:

Some, like you said, opening that door.

Steve Smelski:

That first time is one of the most difficult things I've ever did.

Steve Smelski:

And it probably saved our lives that we did.

Steve Smelski:

So if I had known then what I know now I should have run through that door.

Steve Smelski:

You know, in hindsight everybody's a Monday morning quarterback,

Steve Smelski:

but when you're in it, you can't see to the other side.

Steve Smelski:

In fact, you're not sure you're going to make it.

Steve Smelski:

So I think there's a lot of people, men and women to fall in that quarter yet

Steve Smelski:

and now you can't meet him in person.

Steve Smelski:

So maybe listening to people talk through some of the issues is the

Steve Smelski:

best way to reach people right now.

Steve Smelski:

And like Marshall said, we had no idea that this was in her future,

Randy Magray:

For sure, well and then maybe there's another part of this to it.

Randy Magray:

Also is, you know, while a podcast is in truest form, just an audio program that

Randy Magray:

you've listened to, like you mentioned, but I think knowing what you just talked

Randy Magray:

about with, uh, we posted some videos on the Facebook feed just to get the

Randy Magray:

word out that the show was launching.

Randy Magray:

And we had a couple episodes out there for people to listen to and the

Randy Magray:

response that we got from the females.

Randy Magray:

That were interacting with the posts and leaving comments.

Randy Magray:

I mean, I think that was at least 2 to 1, uh, females versus men which

Randy Magray:

probably isn't super surprising.

Randy Magray:

But.

Randy Magray:

You can join the conversation a lot of people don't realize that yeah, the

Randy Magray:

podcast is something I listened to, but if there's something that strikes a chord,

Randy Magray:

or if there's a question that comes up by something that's mentioned, and I

Randy Magray:

would look to both of you, as experts.

Randy Magray:

Maybe not medical professionals, but Marshall, I mean, you're an attorney and

Randy Magray:

Steve, you have the foundation, you've been a sales person, very successful.

Randy Magray:

So you both have had, I mean, you're definitely experts in your

Randy Magray:

fields and then you're an expert, both, I would say in grief.

Randy Magray:

You don't have to have a medical diagnosis for someone to know that they're in grief

Randy Magray:

or that they're grieving somebody or that they feel like the world is coming to an

Randy Magray:

end because they lost their loved one.

Randy Magray:

We don't need medical people for that, maybe to do some treatments.

Randy Magray:

And if that's you please, you know, get medical attention as often,

Randy Magray:

and as early as you possibly can.

Randy Magray:

We want you to be healthy and seek all options.

Randy Magray:

But like you said Steve , to have someone listen, but we'd also

Randy Magray:

would love to have your feedback.

Randy Magray:

The feedback that we got on the Facebook videos.

Randy Magray:

People that were saying how powerful it was and they just, it resonated with them.

Randy Magray:

So ,that is something that if something you want to talk about, if you want

Randy Magray:

to share your story, if you want to ask Steve or Marshall a question,

Randy Magray:

whether it's about how you deal with suicide or how you deal with something

Randy Magray:

like PAM, that Jordan passed from.

Randy Magray:

We would welcome those comments.

Randy Magray:

You can send those to Hope Thru Grief Hopethrugrief@gmail.com and we can

Randy Magray:

discuss those on a podcast episode.

Randy Magray:

If it gets to be where we get a lot of them, we can do actual

Randy Magray:

episode just answering questions.

Randy Magray:

That would actually be, I think, part of the outreach and part of the mission

Randy Magray:

to help people is to share the stories because if there's one thing that we've

Randy Magray:

learned, I think through this pandemic and through the racial tensions and all

Randy Magray:

the built up frustration that has all seemingly come to this perfect storm and

Randy Magray:

explosion is when we have conversations, honest, transparent, open dialogue kind

Randy Magray:

of conversations, the uncomfortable ones, the ones we try to avoid a lot

Randy Magray:

of times, that's when we make progress.

Randy Magray:

And that's when we learn about each other.

Randy Magray:

That's when we become friends, even if it's across a WebEx call, or a zoom call,

Randy Magray:

or a FaceTime ,or a even a text message.

Randy Magray:

If we're open and honest and we're willing to share, it's a little vulnerable,

Randy Magray:

it's a little well, it's not a little vulnerable, it's a lot vulnerable

Randy Magray:

and it's uncomfortable, but really moving forward and trying to improve

Randy Magray:

ourselves that's really what's needed.

Randy Magray:

So we would encourage feedback, good or bad, any kind of we're we're thick skin.

Randy Magray:

we're grown men, we can handle it.

Randy Magray:

We promise and, you know, be gentle if you can be.

Randy Magray:

But, you know, we would love to hear what you really think, because sometimes it's

Randy Magray:

the underlying themes that come through those comments that you really find out

Randy Magray:

about it learn and we can have a civil discourse because we're grown adults.

Steve Smelski:

Well said, Randy, thank you.

Randy Magray:

Right?

Marshall Adler:

Absolutely.

Marshall Adler:

Very well said.

Randy Magray:

Awesome.

Randy Magray:

So speaking of that feedback, give me just a little taste of what

Randy Magray:

you think we garnered from this.

Randy Magray:

We launched on father's day.

Randy Magray:

A day that's really tough for a lot of people, and frankly, I'll have to

Randy Magray:

admit it's not something that I thought a lot about from your perspective.

Randy Magray:

Now, Steve, I've known you for a long time and I know.

Randy Magray:

I know we've talked about this before, but it doesn't because

Randy Magray:

it hasn't happened to me.

Randy Magray:

And I haven't taken a grief course because who wants to we've established that.

Randy Magray:

I didn't think of it that way, but a lot of people struggle.

Randy Magray:

The dads that are missing daughters and sons or parents, people

Randy Magray:

that sons and daughters that are missing parents and fathers.

Randy Magray:

I mean, these are bad days.

Randy Magray:

Like when you said I don't go on social media, Randy.

Randy Magray:

You told me on the phone.

Randy Magray:

He said, I don't go on there.

Randy Magray:

I post something about myself and Jordan, maybe a memory or a picture

Randy Magray:

that I love him, that I miss him.

Randy Magray:

I rip my heart out really did.

Randy Magray:

Cause I'm thinking to myself, what would I post or what would I do on that day

Randy Magray:

if one of my girls was missing and I have that, I mean, that's, that's heavy.

Randy Magray:

What do you feel like through those conversations that we had on

Randy Magray:

social media right out of the gate.

Randy Magray:

W

Randy Magray:

hat did you feel like the overall theme of the feedback and the support was like?

Steve Smelski:

I think there are a few people that understood where

Steve Smelski:

we were for that weekend that's why the heartfelt comments and...

Randy Magray:

Okay.

Steve Smelski:

The prayers and that type of thing.

Steve Smelski:

I think there were some that had no clue.

Steve Smelski:

They'd never experienced that on a father's day.

Steve Smelski:

I will say this past father's day was different for me.

Steve Smelski:

I, um, I struggled, I got up and went for a run in the morning

Steve Smelski:

early, before it got hot.

Steve Smelski:

I came back, I struggled the first three or four hours.

Steve Smelski:

We watched our church service online, and then we went out into the patio

Steve Smelski:

and I, um, hadn't touched Facebook since I did the post in the morning

Steve Smelski:

and I was done and Shelly said, wow, you guys are getting a lot of comments.

Steve Smelski:

And it was because of the personal page.

Steve Smelski:

It was because of Hope Thru Grief page and I did something I've never done.

Steve Smelski:

And this is six years for me, since Jordan died still a tough weekend, still

Steve Smelski:

a tough holiday to try and get through.

Steve Smelski:

And I started answering their comments.

Steve Smelski:

I went back through and answered every single comment, thank

Steve Smelski:

them, or made a comment back.

Steve Smelski:

And I think I had 150 between Shelley's post and my post.

Steve Smelski:

And then we had another 80 or 90 on the different Hope Thru Grief ones.

Steve Smelski:

And I actually felt better doing it.

Steve Smelski:

I was still, you know, it, wasn't a great father's day, but

Steve Smelski:

they won't be without Jordan.

Steve Smelski:

So until I see him again, it's not going to be the same, but I felt better

Steve Smelski:

commenting and I was amazed at how many different people had reached out.

Marshall Adler:

That's amazing.

Marshall Adler:

Marshall, how about you?

Marshall Adler:

I'm always amazed by the response, because again, I'm very low level on technology.

Marshall Adler:

And I always assume we're doing this and nobody is ever looking to hear this.

Marshall Adler:

We're just doing this for the sake of doing it.

Marshall Adler:

And then when I see this thing actually works people around the world are actually

Marshall Adler:

listening to this because I see that they are making comments, that's helping them.

Marshall Adler:

And I'm saying, well, apparently this technology does work, which

Marshall Adler:

surprises the heck out of me.

Marshall Adler:

So I'm very optimistic.

Marshall Adler:

In the sense that my expectations of technology

Marshall Adler:

actually working are always low.

Marshall Adler:

And I said, well, apparently the technology's working where people are

Marshall Adler:

getting the podcast and they are getting things out of it that are helping them.

Marshall Adler:

And for those two things, I'm very grateful that we're able to figure

Marshall Adler:

out the technology successfully.

Marshall Adler:

But also we're giving people tools that.

Marshall Adler:

We have found helpful in our own grief journey, they can

Marshall Adler:

hopefully help them on theirs.

Randy Magray:

That's great, that's great.

Randy Magray:

All right.

Randy Magray:

So we've established, we have a podcast we've established

Randy Magray:

how we've gotten to that point.

Randy Magray:

We've established that people overall have been happy to engage with the

Randy Magray:

stories that you've been telling of your own journeys through grief.

Randy Magray:

So as we move forward, I mean, we're infants in this process as far as

Randy Magray:

episodes go and so the future for the podcast is not yet been written so

Randy Magray:

we can, we can do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want.

Randy Magray:

What does the future look like at least now, now, I mean, we, when we decided

Randy Magray:

to start the podcast where there was no COVID, we, we didn't know that.

Randy Magray:

And obviously we don't know what the future holds, but.

Randy Magray:

just a quick look forward.

Randy Magray:

What do you think about the shows moving forward?

Randy Magray:

Are we going to have guests, multiple guests?

Randy Magray:

Are we going to talk about different kinds of grief?

Randy Magray:

I know Matt are Marshall.

Randy Magray:

You lost Matt to suicide and Steve, you lost Jordan to PAM and

Randy Magray:

of course there will probably be an abundance of COVID-19 stories.

Randy Magray:

Is there anything we're not going to talk about when it comes to grief?

Marshall Adler:

I'll say this, I do it as an attorney.

Marshall Adler:

I always tell clients, you know, there are rules and regulations with

Marshall Adler:

litigation in court, but many times with a lot of things in life, the

Marshall Adler:

first rule is there are no rules.

Marshall Adler:

This is not a lawsuit where your God rules of civil procedure and rules

Marshall Adler:

of evidence that you have to go by.

Marshall Adler:

This is grief.

Marshall Adler:

And as I mentioned before, everybody's grief is different.

Marshall Adler:

So to answer your question, my answer would be yes to everything.

Marshall Adler:

Anybody that's on a grief journey that wants to talk about any aspect of grief

Marshall Adler:

by shooting us an email or however, technologically they can contact

Marshall Adler:

us, I'd be all ears because that's their journey and their journey is as

Marshall Adler:

important to them as my journey is to me.

Marshall Adler:

So again, from my standpoint, the first rule of this podcast

Marshall Adler:

would be, there are no rules.

Marshall Adler:

I'm going to talk about anything.

Randy Magray:

I like it.

Randy Magray:

Steve, you agree?

Randy Magray:

Disagree?

Randy Magray:

I'm not an expert on everything.But yeah, I would, I'd like to talk

Randy Magray:

about a lot of different things.

Randy Magray:

I don't think we have any set rules or guidelines.

Randy Magray:

We are going to have guests on.

Randy Magray:

We've got one coming up in a couple of weeks.

Randy Magray:

We've got a lot of other people that we would like to reach

Randy Magray:

out to and invite them on.

Randy Magray:

We've got a lot of different types of loss that we can explore that

Randy Magray:

we haven't even begun to start on.

Randy Magray:

When you think about what Marshall and I have gone through that loss was immediate.

Randy Magray:

Hmm...yeah.

Steve Smelski:

There's people that lose somebody over a year

Steve Smelski:

and a half, sometimes longer.

Steve Smelski:

And that's a much different journey.

Steve Smelski:

There's a lot of different types of loss.

Steve Smelski:

We've got parents, we've got children who have lost siblings, uh, grandparents

Steve Smelski:

ummm a lot of different types of losses that we can explore and I don't

Steve Smelski:

think we'll set any limits on what we discussed and if somebody wants to get

Steve Smelski:

into a topic, we'd love to explore it.

Randy Magray:

I think we can just maybe a assure people that

Randy Magray:

this is going to be a safe place.

Randy Magray:

That if you're dealing with grief, no matter, like you said, what that journey

Randy Magray:

looks like, how they've experienced it, what they may be experiencing,

Randy Magray:

they may be going through it right now.

Randy Magray:

They may have just found out a diagnosis.

Randy Magray:

They may have just lost someone.

Randy Magray:

They may be still struggling after years.

Randy Magray:

We can be a safe place where it's okay to talk about things.

Randy Magray:

And I know from a social media perspective that, you know, none of that kind of

Randy Magray:

thing, and I know that this is something that is pervasive on social media, there's

Randy Magray:

bullying, and there's all these different kinds of people try to shame people for

Randy Magray:

feeling a certain way or for having what they perceive to be a weakness, because

Randy Magray:

they may have grief or they may have some mental instability while they try

Randy Magray:

to process, all these kinds of things and just know that those are social

Randy Magray:

media outlets will be a very safe place.

Randy Magray:

It's something that we monitor and something that we watch out for.

Randy Magray:

And that's something that certainly will never, ever be allowed.

Randy Magray:

But I think part of the discussion.

Randy Magray:

Will be driven by what listeners want to talk about what listeners want to engage

Randy Magray:

with and the stories that they want to tell the questions they might have things

Randy Magray:

that might be going on in our world, like COVID and you know, who knows what else?

Randy Magray:

And I think just being open to that, so please don't be shy if you're

Randy Magray:

listening and you think, Oh, that's dumb.

Randy Magray:

I, I'm not going to send them an email about that.

Randy Magray:

I mean, then they're not going to talk about that.

Randy Magray:

Don't be so sure.

Randy Magray:

Don't be so sure.

Randy Magray:

Send us an email, send us a, a note on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, if

Randy Magray:

you swipe up in today's show notes, you will find links to all of those.

Randy Magray:

So please just go ahead and like, and share and get the word out

Randy Magray:

and we would be happy to you take questions, take comments.

Randy Magray:

And even if it's just hey, we'd love to celebrate a milestone with you.

Randy Magray:

If today is an anniversary of something and today's the first day that you felt

Randy Magray:

normal in a long time, whatever that normal is, we'd love to celebrate it.

Randy Magray:

We'd love to call you out by name and say, good job, Sally.

Randy Magray:

Good job, Joe.

Randy Magray:

We're here.

Randy Magray:

We're supporting you and we're celebrating your victory with you.

Randy Magray:

So this really is designed to be a community that's about inclusion and

Randy Magray:

about finding this journey together and in learning, just because Marshall and

Randy Magray:

Steve and I've losted people close to me, not to like they have, but we've

Randy Magray:

all been part of grief in our lives.

Randy Magray:

We've all had that.

Randy Magray:

And it's, it feels good when people are there to be with you in those times.

Randy Magray:

So I think that's at least from my perspective, that's one thing

Randy Magray:

I think this show can excel at.

Steve Smelski:

Thank you for sharing that, Randy we're we are interested

Steve Smelski:

in creating a safe type of environment where you can ask questions or share.

Steve Smelski:

We may not have experienced exactly what you have.

Steve Smelski:

We may know somebody who has everybody can help everybody on their journey

Steve Smelski:

through grief, just a little snippet or a little thing that you did that you

Steve Smelski:

don't think it's anything, but somebody else may be struggling with it so...

Marshall Adler:

I absolutely agree with that.

Marshall Adler:

And I think if the world has learned anything from this year, 2020, is that

Marshall Adler:

we're on this little blue marble in the big, huge universe and this is it.

Marshall Adler:

We've got this one home and we all have to pull together to make it the best home

Marshall Adler:

while we're here and part of that process while we're here, unfortunately, is

Marshall Adler:

death, passing of loved ones ,and grief.

Marshall Adler:

And hopefully we will be able to use this podcast.

Marshall Adler:

As I mentioned before, to not only help, talked to him personally helped

Marshall Adler:

my grief journey, but help others too.

Randy Magray:

Alright, well, there you have it.

Randy Magray:

Don't be shy.

Randy Magray:

Send us comments, questions, celebrations, whatever you have.

Randy Magray:

We'd love to hear from you because that's really why we're doing the show is to

Randy Magray:

make sure that we can share the knowledge that Steve and the guests and Marshall.

Randy Magray:

And others that come alongside of us on social media that we can share together.

Randy Magray:

And we can make that time on the marble, the best that it can be.

Randy Magray:

And if we do it together, it's always better together.

Randy Magray:

You'll notice some of our hashtags in our social media posts have been

Randy Magray:

#bettertogether because I honestly believe that that's the power of this show is

Randy Magray:

going to be that we're better together.

Randy Magray:

We learn together and our lives will be better when we do it together.

Randy Magray:

So.

Randy Magray:

I would just encourage you to share, subscribe, listen, and invite others.

Randy Magray:

And if you know, someone you think would be a must have guest that has a

Randy Magray:

great story, send us some information and if we can make a contact and we can

Randy Magray:

work something out, maybe who knows, maybe we'd have them on the show.

Randy Magray:

Maybe we'd have you on the show.

Randy Magray:

Do you have a good story?

Randy Magray:

So like Steve said, You never know what might be the piece that makes

Randy Magray:

the whole puzzle fit together.

Randy Magray:

So don't be silent and let us hear from you and that will tjhat will

Randy Magray:

make this all better together.

Randy Magray:

All right guys, anything else?

Randy Magray:

Did we cover everything?

Randy Magray:

Did we miss something?

Randy Magray:

Anything you guys can think of that we should have said?

Randy Magray:

Didn't say, could have said better?

Marshall Adler:

Randy.

Marshall Adler:

I think you did a great job.

Steve Smelski:

Yes, thanks for helping us out today.

Steve Smelski:

And thank you everybody for joining us on Hope Thru Grief

Marshall Adler:

Thank you very much.

Steve Smelski:

Thank you for joining us on Hope Thru Grief with your

Steve Smelski:

cohost Marshall Adler and Steve

Steve Smelski:

Smelski

Marshall Adler:

We hope our episode today was helpful and informative.

Marshall Adler:

Since we are not medical or mental health professionals, we cannot

Marshall Adler:

and will not provide any medical, psychological, or mental health advice.

Marshall Adler:

Therefore, if you or anyone, you know, requires medical or mental health

Marshall Adler:

treatment, please contact a medical or mental health professional immediately.

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About the Podcast

Hope Thru Grief
Our mission is to create a community to bring hope through grief. Providing healing through our first hand experiences. Each day provides us an opportunity to continue to heal, as we get to meet and help others.
Have you recently lost a loved one? Are you struggling with grief? Don’t understand why the world has moved on and you are stuck? Wondering what will help? Have you lost all hope you will get back to any kind of “normal”?

Hope Thru Grief features husband and wife co-hosts Steve Smelski and Shelly Smelski to discuss their journeys of grief, after losing their son and other family members. They have changed their focus in life since their son’s death and have been helping others to find the support and answers they have been searching for.

Expect the unexpected. Honest and transparent discussions will reveal things hidden and overlooked which are quite common in coping with grief. Steve & Shelly will interview people from all walks of life, sharing their journeys of loss, as well as experts on recovery and finding hope in a world that has been changed forever.

If you are struggling with your grief, let’s talk together about ways to find healing in your journey and make it more meaningful and life-changing.

New Episodes every Thursday morning.

About your hosts

Randy Magray

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Randy has been producing podcasts for a decade as a creator, writer, host, and post-production specialist. He currently is the Podcast Producer for Duck Duck Productions in Orlando Florida and has worked extensively with the Smelski's on Hope Thru Grief and their Jordan Smelski Foundation for Amoeba Awareness.

Steve Smelski

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